Friday, May 31, 2013

Arguing Is A Good Thing

My husband and I recently celebrated our second wedding anniversary! We went out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, went to a hookah bar for my cousin's 18th birthday, and had a night to ourselves with champagne and movies as our daughter spent her first night with her Nana and Poppa. Which was fun, but killed me a little inside not having her with us haha.

We've come a long way in our marriage, and have much farther to go. As I've mentioned before, we eloped at 20 (him) and 19 (me) years old. Some thought we were crazy, some thought it was a huge mistake, some thought we'd end up getting divorced. But it has been wonderful and I don't regret a thing! We've grown a lot, learned from each other, and day by day, still are.

Marriage is such a great blessing. I am so content in life. Which is a weird feeling. Growing up with a crazy mom, a whole bunch of family baggage, and emotional abuse that still affects me sometimes, I didn't know what happiness was. I felt like a hostage, and as my grandma called me, a Cinderella. I'll save the details for another day, but I was miserable growing up. Happiness to me was sneaking a cup of coffee when my mom was asleep and reading.

It means so much more now. Now, happiness is waking up to my best friend, a man who is unbelievably sweet and loving and thoughtful. Happiness is seeing my daughter's big grin when she sees me for the first time in the morning. It's going grocery shopping together bicker over vegetables. Making dinner together. Cuddling in bed and talking about our favorite wrestlers and books. Making our daughter giggle. Hearing her say "dada."

I remember watching Sex and the City once, and the girls comparing if they were happy in relationships.

Samantha: Relationships aren't just about being happy. 
I mean, how often are you happy in your relationship?
Charlotte: Every day.
Samantha: Every day?
Charlotte: Well, not all day every day, but yes, every day.

That is so true for me. Not every day is perfect, it's life! There are ups and downs and circumstances and that's all normal. But I am happy There is just so much good stuff going on to be hum drum and stress about little things, stupid things.

Bickering, arguing, disagreements, it's all normal. I have known people who break up over a disagreement. To me, that's where the commitment is. Are you going to get past an argument? Discuss, talk it out, compromise if needed, apologize? Or let it build a wall or ruin you? I don't understand where this idea came from that arguing is bad. No two people are going to be exactly alike, think the same way, have the same ideas, or never have a misunderstanding. Completely impossible!

It is healthy to argue, to say "hey! I don't like blah-blah-blah!" and work towards fixing a problem or apologizing for a hurt. Doesn't mean it's fun, but it can be good. Arguing all the time isn't healthy, there may be an underlying issue, but a daily bicker about what show to watch? Psh whatevs. And guess what. Silence? Bottling things up? That is definitely not healthy.

My hubbs and I have had plentyyyy of arguments. Sometimes because I just have in issue expressing my feelings. Growing up in a house where you aren't allowed to have a difference of opinion or be upset or say anything will do that to a person. I've come up with a solution to that however!

I am starting a private blog just for my husband. I will write to him there about everything. Issues, excitement, my day, et cetera, and then we can discuss when my feelings are out on the table. I already write him Wednesday Letters, inspired by the book which you can read about here. But, I type fast and can do that while I nurse, so those may be converted to the blog haha.

I am stupidly excited about writing to my husband, and I hope this is something he can cherish. Maybe this idea can work for you too!


  1. I have the same problem. Grew up in a very similar situation. I don't take criticism well at all, and can't express how I'm feeling. It's hard, but I too am happy every single day. Maybe not all day, but I'm happy.

    1. Hey mama! didn't see your comment til now. I'm glad you're happy now :) It's good knowing you aren't alone in how you feel too!