Friday, May 31, 2013

Arguing Is A Good Thing

My husband and I recently celebrated our second wedding anniversary! We went out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, went to a hookah bar for my cousin's 18th birthday, and had a night to ourselves with champagne and movies as our daughter spent her first night with her Nana and Poppa. Which was fun, but killed me a little inside not having her with us haha.

We've come a long way in our marriage, and have much farther to go. As I've mentioned before, we eloped at 20 (him) and 19 (me) years old. Some thought we were crazy, some thought it was a huge mistake, some thought we'd end up getting divorced. But it has been wonderful and I don't regret a thing! We've grown a lot, learned from each other, and day by day, still are.

Marriage is such a great blessing. I am so content in life. Which is a weird feeling. Growing up with a crazy mom, a whole bunch of family baggage, and emotional abuse that still affects me sometimes, I didn't know what happiness was. I felt like a hostage, and as my grandma called me, a Cinderella. I'll save the details for another day, but I was miserable growing up. Happiness to me was sneaking a cup of coffee when my mom was asleep and reading.

It means so much more now. Now, happiness is waking up to my best friend, a man who is unbelievably sweet and loving and thoughtful. Happiness is seeing my daughter's big grin when she sees me for the first time in the morning. It's going grocery shopping together bicker over vegetables. Making dinner together. Cuddling in bed and talking about our favorite wrestlers and books. Making our daughter giggle. Hearing her say "dada."

I remember watching Sex and the City once, and the girls comparing if they were happy in relationships.

Samantha: Relationships aren't just about being happy. 
I mean, how often are you happy in your relationship?
Charlotte: Every day.
Samantha: Every day?
Charlotte: Well, not all day every day, but yes, every day.

That is so true for me. Not every day is perfect, it's life! There are ups and downs and circumstances and that's all normal. But I am happy There is just so much good stuff going on to be hum drum and stress about little things, stupid things.

Bickering, arguing, disagreements, it's all normal. I have known people who break up over a disagreement. To me, that's where the commitment is. Are you going to get past an argument? Discuss, talk it out, compromise if needed, apologize? Or let it build a wall or ruin you? I don't understand where this idea came from that arguing is bad. No two people are going to be exactly alike, think the same way, have the same ideas, or never have a misunderstanding. Completely impossible!

It is healthy to argue, to say "hey! I don't like blah-blah-blah!" and work towards fixing a problem or apologizing for a hurt. Doesn't mean it's fun, but it can be good. Arguing all the time isn't healthy, there may be an underlying issue, but a daily bicker about what show to watch? Psh whatevs. And guess what. Silence? Bottling things up? That is definitely not healthy.

My hubbs and I have had plentyyyy of arguments. Sometimes because I just have in issue expressing my feelings. Growing up in a house where you aren't allowed to have a difference of opinion or be upset or say anything will do that to a person. I've come up with a solution to that however!

I am starting a private blog just for my husband. I will write to him there about everything. Issues, excitement, my day, et cetera, and then we can discuss when my feelings are out on the table. I already write him Wednesday Letters, inspired by the book which you can read about here. But, I type fast and can do that while I nurse, so those may be converted to the blog haha.

I am stupidly excited about writing to my husband, and I hope this is something he can cherish. Maybe this idea can work for you too!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Life As Of Now, And Not Yelling...?

Life has been a tad crazy lately, and I'm working on a big piece that is taking a lot of time, energy, and research, so I've not been updating lately.

Bree is starting to attempt crawling. By this I mean froggy-legging land swimming, pushing herself forward with her feet. It's totally comical and adorable. Today she froggied over to one of our DVD racks and immediately began pulling them off, as high as her wee chubby arms could reach. DVD pulling is hugely entertaining, in case you didn't know. (Wink.)

It's also been stupidly warm out, and I am so thankful Hubbs got our A/C installed this week. One unit in our dining room window, and Bree is uber lucky to have gotten the second in her bedroom. The cute window seat in our bedroom comes with a price: the window is too large for our air conditioners. But it works out well, the flow of the two keeps it a nice temperature in here. Mama is pleased!

I found an awesome decal to put on our bedroom wall (they are always really expensive at JoAnn's and Hobby Lobby) for super cheap on Amazon. Check it out HERE. I cannot WAIT to put it up!

Also new in my life this week, I discovered this awesome blog post, The Important Thing About Yelling. It has really opened my eyes and I hope to implement it into life soon. By that, I mean currently working on it. I grew up with an emotionally and verbally abusive mom who yelled constantly and I know how it made me feel, and the issues I still struggle with because of it. I don't want my daughter growing up thinking that is okay. I don't want her to treat others that way, and I don't want her thinking it's okay for others to treat HER that way. She doesn't deserve to grow up in fear of her parents.

Hubbs and I are loud people. His family is loud, which made him loud, and I'm loud because I never had a voice (so to speak) and enjoy using it. We are just loud in general. But I've noted that because of some recent chaos I've let affect me lately, I've been yelling. I hate to admit it, but it feels like I've been yelling a lot. About every little thing.

And I don't like it. I don't like that I'm feeling that I have to yell to assert what I'm feeling and I don't like that yelling is the first thing that comes up when I'm feeling distressed. Seriously, the littlest thing causes an issue and I get vocal. "WHY does my stupid UNDERWIRE KEEP POPPING OUT!" Which is an understandable problem for most women, but not necessarily a moment worth yelling about.

So, my challenge for myself from now on is to validate my emotions better, talk it out, think about it before I speak, and do it differently. My sweethearts (the one I'm married to and the one I birthed) deserve that.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Life Right Now

It's been a hard few days (weeks) in our house. My little darling is teething. Again. It isn't the most pleasant experience.

We are blessed to have an amber teething necklace, which has helped immensely. Bree has been teething since two months, broke two teeth in February/early March, and those two white stubs have grown in into full-on little kid teeth. You can see them when she grins! The mommy inside me who doesn't want her baby to grow up cries every time she sees them.

We think she's teething some top teeth now. She's been tugging at her ears, biting while nursing (yay me right?) and just kinda miserable unless I'm holding her 24/7 (yay dishes).

I'm going through a major trial missing my newborn right now. Sleeps for three hours, awake for half an hour, super cuddly, totally dependent, uber squishy newborn. I miss my pregnant belly, feeling her kicking, where she was so much easier to protect.  And yet, I totally love this stage in her life. True, the teething isn't the best. But oh her giggles! She could light up anyone's day with one of her sweet smiles. She's learning to sit up, playing on her own, going crazy in the bouncer (she can stand up and feels so proud of herself), and learning to wave! Granted, its her squeezing her outstretched hand at you for now, but she feels so accomplished.

I am reveling in this learning stage. She takes every thing in and wants to do everything she sees mommy and daddy do. She is refusing to nap unless I am with her, which warms my heart and neglects the last few boxes I've yet to unpack. She is sleeping through the night, which is fantastic! By bed time I am worn out and ready for alone time. And then half an hour later I miss her. Moms, oy.

This season of life is like a roller coaster, but not in a bad way. There are ups and downs throughout the day, but overall, I am so so happy and blessed. My husband has one more semester before graduating and hopefully finding a graphic design job with better hours and pay, and now that this semester is over, he'll be home more for the summer. We are ecstatic!

I told my husband earlier this week that all my teenage dreams have come true. My childhood was miserable, and all I wanted was a happy family of my own. I knew I was called to be a wife and stay at home mom. I wanted a sweet, cozy home where things matched and every thing had a place. And as I look at our new home, my life with my little family, every thing I ever wanted has come true. I am so thankful, and so happy. Happier than I have ever been! And I am sure to remind myself of that whenever I have a hard day.

This week has been hard to say the least. But it will be gone before I blink my eyes twice. Revel in the seasons of your life, enjoy the little things, those special moments. They pass all too quickly. I will enjoy my teething, biting, 7 month old. Before I know it she'll be graduating high school.