Arguing Is A Good Thing

My husband and I recently celebrated our second wedding anniversary! We went out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, went to a hookah bar for my cousin's 18th birthday, and had a night to ourselves with champagne and movies as our daughter spent her first night with her Nana and Poppa. Which was fun, but killed me a little inside not having her with us haha.

We've come a long way in our marriage, and have much farther to go. As I've mentioned before, we eloped at 20 (him) and 19 (me) years old. Some thought we were crazy, some thought it was a huge mistake, some thought we'd end up getting divorced. But it has been wonderful and I don't regret a thing! We've grown a lot, learned from each other, and day by day, still are.

Marriage is such a great blessing. I am so content in life. Which is a weird feeling. Growing up with a crazy mom, a whole bunch of family baggage, and emotional abuse that still affects me sometimes, I didn't know what happiness was. I felt like a hostage, and as my grandma called me, a Cinderella. I'll save the details for another day, but I was miserable growing up. Happiness to me was sneaking a cup of coffee when my mom was asleep and reading.

It means so much more now. Now, happiness is waking up to my best friend, a man who is unbelievably sweet and loving and thoughtful. Happiness is seeing my daughter's big grin when she sees me for the first time in the morning. It's going grocery shopping together bicker over vegetables. Making dinner together. Cuddling in bed and talking about our favorite wrestlers and books. Making our daughter giggle. Hearing her say "dada."

I remember watching Sex and the City once, and the girls comparing if they were happy in relationships.

Samantha: Relationships aren't just about being happy. 

I mean, how often are you happy in your relationship?

Charlotte: Every day.

Samantha: Every day?

Charlotte: Well, not all day every day, but yes, every day.

That is so true for me. Not every day is perfect, it's life! There are ups and downs and circumstances and that's all normal. But I am happy every.single.day. There is just so much good stuff going on to be hum drum and stress about little things, stupid things.

Bickering, arguing, disagreements, it's all normal. I have known people who break up over a disagreement. To me, that's where the commitment is. Are you going to get past an argument? Discuss, talk it out, compromise if needed, apologize? Or let it build a wall or ruin you? I don't understand where this idea came from that arguing is bad. No two people are going to be exactly alike, think the same way, have the same ideas, or never have a misunderstanding. Completely impossible!

It is healthy to argue, to say "hey! I don't like blah-blah-blah!" and work towards fixing a problem or apologizing for a hurt. Doesn't mean it's fun, but it can be good. Arguing all the time isn't healthy, there may be an underlying issue, but a daily bicker about what show to watch? Psh whatevs. And guess what. Silence? Bottling things up? That is definitely not healthy.

My hubbs and I have had plentyyyy of arguments. Sometimes because I just have in issue expressing my feelings. Growing up in a house where you aren't allowed to have a difference of opinion or be upset or say anything will do that to a person. I've come up with a solution to that however!

I am starting a private blog just for my husband. I will write to him there about everything. Issues, excitement, my day, et cetera, and then we can discuss when my feelings are out on the table. I already write him Wednesday Letters, inspired by the book which you can read about here. But, I type fast and can do that while I nurse, so those may be converted to the blog haha.

I am stupidly excited about writing to my husband, and I hope this is something he can cherish. Maybe this idea can work for you too!

The Realm of Facebook & Adulthood

People on Facebook are amusing. I am in the midst of a debate on the evils of pacifiers! PACIFIERS?! Oh noooo! I use a soothie-style binkie, and have no issues. I think you need to be careful to establish a good breastfeeding relationship before you use them (in case of nipple confusion or preference), but they can be a lifesaver for car rides and washing dishes.

Facebook is great for networking, keeping in contact, and sharing information. And like anyone else, I also use it in times when I need support or encouragement. I think that's totally okay. People contact each other more on Facebook than they do in person sometimes! And if you need someone, by all means, reach out.

But it's sad when I see adults using it to constantly complain and whine about life. I see 13, 14 year old girls doing that. Its totally normal for their age, everything in life is super dramatic. A grown women, however, posting a status about every single thing or person that bothers her or ticks her off is a bit ridiculous.

I feel at the age most wives and mothers are, you should be able to process your emotions enough on your own without having to need a social network to validate how you're feeling. If someone or something is bothering you THAT much, go to the source and deal with the situation, or if you need to talk, go to a friend or spouse.  

Where is our maturity, our dignity, our strength, that we constantly feel the need to tell Facebook (or Twitter, Tumblr, etc) our problems. Dwelling on them is negative and won't help. Many people have children on Facebook as well, what kind of example does that set? Its perfectly okay to constantly complain. In real life, if all a friend does is complain when they talk to us, we generally don't like talking to them or being around them do we? So why do we tolerate it on Facebook?

I recently took a month long challenge not to post any negative or complaining statuses. It was surprisingly hard to resist the want to post. "Ugh, have the most wretched headache today!" "Baby was up alll night, can't take this exhaustion anymore!" Or, the passive aggressive statuses pointed towards someone who, in all probability, will not see your post about them. "Some people need to learn how to drive!" "If you want to say something, say it to their face next time!"

Just yesterday I was in a debate with some people, and a friend who disagreed posted a status very obviously pointed at me. As a teenager I would have absolutely retaliated via status, but instead, this time I felt pity for her, and honestly, amusement.

I use the social networks to share pictures of my gorgeous daughter, spread awareness about my passions, share thoughts and musings, and to keep in contact with those far away. Let's rise above and be the adults we are, and keep everything civil and grown up. Its normal to need support and encouragement, as I said before, but lets not be Debbie Downers!